Monday, March 30, 2015

Creflo Dollar Demands 65 Million Of Yours For Aeronautical Swag

Televangelist Creflo Dollar needs 65 million of yours so that his ministry can acquire a new luxury jet.

This is because of an engine failure that nearly resulted in tragedy but which was averted through the skill of an experienced pilot.

With a new aircraft, the ministry assures that Dollar will be able to continue the mission of spreading the Gospel around the world.

In an age of instantaneous global communications thanks to high speed Internet, why is this even necessary?

Savages in Third World sewer pipes have certainly mastered social media technologies such as Twitter and Youtube in uploading their own propaganda.

Are we to assume that these are too complex for the likes of Creflo Dollar?

Is Dollar that conceited and full of himself that he believes that the Great Commission cannot be fulfilled without him?

Is he so far about the remaining dregs of humanity that he can't fly Southwest Airlines or Jet Blue like everybody else?

By Frederick Meekins

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

O'Reilly Plays Stupid Regarding Obama's Transformation Threats

President Obama speculated that mandatory voting would be transformative in nature.

But in the analysis of this policy under consideration, Bill O'Reilly instead decided to spoof and lampoon the President's most profound reason for making this suggestion.

“Transformative” is a euphemism invoked in support of mob rule and the socialistic redistribution of resources and property.

Instead of warning the American people as to this danger, O'Reilly wasted valuable broadcast time feigning ignorance by inquiring if “transformative” referred to some kind of “robot thing”.

O'Reilly knows full well that the “robot thing” is a Transformer.

The correspondent did, after all, make a cameo playing himself in one of those films.

This verbal obfuscation means that O'Reilly is deliberately deceptive or more profoundly dimwitted than expected.

And regarding which, to borrow a slogan from his own network, we report you decide.

By Frederick Meekins

Monday, March 23, 2015

Ministerial Red Lights Necessary To Prevent Ghastly Church Accidents

In the March 13, 2015 edition of the “Sword Of The Lord”, the publication's editor Shelton Smith compared ministry to the act of driving.

In one of the the remarks, he observed that one hand must be on the wheel.

He expanded on that declaration by saying, “At the church house, someone has to be in charge. A leader is a necessity. The pastor is the scripturally appointed, God-anointed person to be the leader.”

Smith further clarified, “Many of our churches are sitting idle and getting nowhere because just before they put the pastor in the driver's seat, they tied his hands behind his back...So let's get real! And let's be scriptural about it! Let's get a driver who knows how to handle the vehicle and let him drive it. Amen!”

Very well then.

Let us be scriptural about the matter in compliance with Shelton Smith's admonition.

Where in the corpus of divine revelation is blind obedience to the pastor commanded?

If anything, it seems that quite the opposite might be called for.

Acts 17:11 reads, “Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scripture every day to see if what Paul said was true (NIV).”

Let's continue a bit with the driving analogies.

Despite dealing with her own doctrinal challenges as she navigates reconciling the demands of celebrity and the Christian faith, Carrey Underwood exclaimed “Jesus, take the wheel.”

How is what Shelton Smith is arguing for that much different in kind than the papal infallibility and the magisterium of the Roman Catholic Church where those in the pews are expected to keep their mouths shut if they want to be considered acceptable members?

If anything, isn't the pastor more of a tour guide than a driver that is not to be questioned or challenged?

For is not Christ or the revealed Word of God in Scripture the one theoretically driving this bus?

In the age of the child predator, the fit parent reinforces in the mind of their offspring not to get into a vehicle with someone they don't know, don't trust, or have a suspicious feeling about.

In this day where all kinds of abuse (both spiritual and physical) is taking place in a variety of churches across Christianity's vast theological spectrum, contrary to the impression given by the likes of Josh Harris in his book “Stop Dating The Church”, you as an individual created in the image of God are free to get off the bus of a particular congregation any time you want.

A minister that insists upon broad pastoral powers without teaching that these are curtailed within explicitly delineated boundaries has neglected his responsibilities in a manner not that markedly different than an intoxicated motorist as he veers into lanes in which he ought not to travel.

By Frederick Meekins

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Don't Hide Behind Piety During Totalitarianism's Rise

On Issues Etc, the topic was addressed if the Christian must defend the Charlie Hebbdo cartoons construed as blasphemous .

From the clip highlighted as the sound bite of the week, one gets the impression that articulating a defense of the gunned down editorial office's freedom of expression isn't really all that much of a priority.

After all, the ultimate concern of the church is not so much with things such as innate or constitutional liberties but rather with the proclamation of the Gospel message.

That might be true in regards to those called to the ministry in the strictest sense of that narrow vocation.

However, not everyone within the church is required to emphasize the exact same aspect of the comprehensive Christian worldview.

Given that this program is Lutheran, one would think they might be quicker to remember the wisdom of Martin Niemoller who reflected how, because he remained silent as the acolytes of totalitarianism hauled off a variety of dissidents, that there was no one left to protect him when the Fascist hordes came to take him away.

Christians don't have to applaud religiously offensive artwork.

However, when bloodthirsty savages begin murdering those that they disagree with, the believer needs to realize that it won't be long until these demoniacs gun down worshipers for little more than singing doctrinally distinctive hymns or reciting the classic creeds.

By Frederick Meekins

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Frosted Flakes Might Not Be That Great But Neither Are They All That Bad

The cover of the 3/2/15 edition of Businessweek depicts Tony the Tiger in a gas mask recoiling in horror at the sight of the frosted flakes he has shilled for decades.

Reworking his classic catchphrase, he declares, “THEY'RE GR-R-ROSS!”

Additional copy on the cover reads, “Carbs, sugar and stubbornness are killing Kellogg.”

How is this dietary staple any more disgusting than these so-called “health foods”?

“Organic” is simply a euphemism for having been grown in digestive excrement.

The same hipsters and neo-beatniks vowing never to feed these breakfast confections to their own spawn certainly had no problem pigging out on these foods in their own childhoods.

It has always been said sausage is a food that you do not want to see being made.

Apparently the same is true now in regards to breakfast cereal in a world where what constitutes nutrition is as much about embracing the proper politics as about keeping a body energized.

A government panel suggested that Americans cut back on the consumption of meat not so much as a way to prevent clogged arteries but rather to prevent global warming.

Interestingly enough, this proclamation was handed down amidst the coldest winter temperatures in years.

If Businessweek insists on being this blatantly honest regarding what we are eating for breakfast, do the editors intend to be as graphically startling as to what transpires in the average abortion clinic or during gay rights parades?

By Frederick Meekins