Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Testing Liberal Tolerance: I Read An Anti-Obama Poem and Had a Coke Can Thrown At Me

This evening at the Cantab Lounge I read an anti-Obama poem as I have done on several occasions over the past few months.

There are always snickers, catcalls and jeers. It's par for the course. But for the first time someone was moved to throw a Coke can at me.

Now I actually didn't realize what had happened until I had returned to my seat.

To her credit, the hostess (a nice young woman named Simone Beaubien) said such acts were a no-no. I am sure she agrees with virtually nothing I've said but she made a point of asking how many liberals would be prepared to read something in front of a conservative audience. I did not get the opportunity to thank her. I do so now and will do again the next time I see her.

The young man who threw the Coke can also apologized to me profusely. If the Coke can had hit me or if I had seen it coming I would probably have been much angrier. Still, the fact he owned up to his act was good enough for me. I accepted his apology and let him off with a "Don't let it happen again" admonition.

O.K. so what was it that I read that got him so heated in the first place?

The poem is titled A Beautiful Friendship?:

Should there be yet another remake of Casablanca
I would cast President Obama as Captain Renault
He would be perfect as a Vichy collaborator

"I am outraged-outraged!-at these bonuses for AIG executives."

"Sir, your campaign contributions."


President Obama might be a better fit on the set of M*A*S*H
As Colonel Henry Blake
A young aide walks into the Oval Office
Who bears a striking resemblance to Corporal Radar O'Reilly

The President demands of his young charge
"Who allowed this to happen?"

"Ah, Mr. President, you did sir."

"How is that possible?"

"Sir, the bonuses were part of the Stimulus Bill you signed."

"Young man that is not the Stimulus Bill I knew."

As Obama is about to wave off his young he interjects, "Sign these."

"What are they?"

"Papers, sir."

President Obama reaches for his pen

Now I don't expect Obama to read
The bills that await his signature
He's only the President after all
There are interns to do that grunt work
He has important things to do

Like pick out the family dog

Pick out his brackets for March Madness

Read his teleprompter without mistaking himself
For the Prime Minister of Ireland

Decide which Eastern European democracy
To throw under the bus this week
To suck up to the Russians

Practice his jokes in front of the mirror
He says to himself, "That bowling joke
Will have them rolling in the aisles."

Most important of all he has to pick
Which 25 DVDs he's going to send
To 10 Downing Street
Even though the British Prime Minister
Is blind in one eye and cannot watch movies
It' just as well
They were Region 1 DVDs

You can try to reason with him
But his mind is Berlin Wall impenetrable
It is his least vulnerable spot
For the life of him Obama
Cannot fathom why Iran rejected
His offer of peace and love
Obama might not think the Mullahs are evil
Even if they do execute homosexuals and Baha'is
But the Mullahs think we are infidels
Because we don't execute homosexuals and Baha'is

These insurmountable differences
Do not deter our President
He wants to give them a gesture
That demonstrates he means business

A few months later
Obama lands in Tehran bearing gifts
In one hand is a DVD titled,
"God Damn America: The Best of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Volume One"
Obama tells President Ahmadinejad, "I haven't seen it myself
But I think it will be to your liking."
Ahmadinejad replies, "And it's a Region 2 DVD."

Obama says, "Wait, I have something else."
He hands Ahmadinejad a leather-bound, first edition of Mein Kempf
"Mr. Obama, you really shouldn't have. I've already read it."
Obama tells him to open the book
On the inside cover is the signature of the Fuhrer himself
Ahmadinejad looks at Obama, puts his arm around him and says,
"Barry, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Perhaps next time I read an anti-Obama poem at the Cantab I should state upfront there is a two shot minimum.

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